


Watching

by BigDumbBaby



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, RIP IN PEACE, This killed me, kenhina - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 05:58:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5697583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigDumbBaby/pseuds/BigDumbBaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata's made Kenma see the world so differently. There are so many colors, there are so many, he wouldn't have made time to notice them before. People are so happy, there are so many things Hinata has opened Kenma's eyes to. Especially Hinata himself. He's so bright.<br/>They say Hinata died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watching

**Author's Note:**

> bad summary. im bad at descriptions. also guess who didnt proof read this? *Points to self* this guyyyyy
> 
> Sorry this might be all over the place, I have no confidence in my writing ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> this broke me honestly.  
> also TW for blood and death. and angst, but thats why ur here isnt it

It’s cold outside, and it’s cold inside. Kenma’s got his head in Hinata’s lap and he’s tapping away at a game while rain patters away against the window. Hinata is quiet, Kenma is quiet, the only sounds in the room from Kenma’s game. It’s been like this for a while now. Hinata is unusually quiet, and unusually compliant. Kenma asked him what was wrong several times, but Hinata smiled, that bright Hinata smile that warms Kenma from the core of his being outwards, and said nothing was wrong.

He doesn’t press too much, he knows if something was really wrong, Hinata would confide in him. He always does. Instead, he presses closer against him.

He’s asleep now. Hinata’s breath puffs out in even huffs against the top of Kenma’s head. They’re in a tangle under a thin sheet because Kenma gets hot when he sleeps, and Hinata clings. He doesn’t mind though, he presses in closer and rests his head against Hinata’s chest. He’s unusually cold tonight.

His phone has been buzzing non-stop. For some reason, Kenma can’t read it. Just doesn’t want to. He chalks it up to laziness and curls up in his bed. It feels empty- too big. There’s too much room. He sighs and rolls up in his blanket, ignoring the insistent buzzing of his phone until it stops. He’s tired, he hates when Hinata has to leave. He sleeps better when he’s clung to.

There’s a soft knock at the door when he thinks this, and he doesn’t do much but groan in response. He hears the door creak, and the bed beside him sink under the weight of someone sitting.

“Kenma?” Hinata touches his shoulder gently. “I’m here.”

Kenma gives him a confused look, but sits up nonetheless. “Didn’t you leave yesterday?”

“Mm.” Hinata nods and smiles softly, “But you missed me, right?”

Kenma smiles gently and looks down, blushing. “Yea.”

“Well, here I am.” He giggles and throws his arms around Kenma, kissing his nose, his cheeks, his lips. He feels hot. Hinata is hot on top of him, and he sparks when he touches him. Hinata looks at him and pouts.

“You’re distracted.”

“Am not.” Kenma pinches his nose and Hinata rolls off of him.

“Are too.” Kenma rolls his eyes and curls up on his side. He looks out the window and wonders how long it’s been since he’s seen a day as nice as this one. He wonders when the last time he went out on a day as nice as this one was. It seems like he’s been holed up in his room for years. It’s too bright though, he turns away eventually.

There’s a padding of feet pounding against the floor and they make their way towards Kenma’s room when the door is thrown open.

“Kenma!” Kuroo grins and puts his fists on his hips. He walks over and sits on the end of the bed. “How’ve ya been holding up?”

“I thought I told you not to just barge into my room.” Kuroo laughs.

“Oh? Might you have been masturbating?”

Kenma thinks back to kissing Hinata and flushes, kicking Kuroo’s back. “I was not!”

“O-ho?” Kuroo smirks and throws himself back on the bed. “Hey let’s go outside. You haven’t left your room in like two and a half weeks. I’m starting to get worried.”  Kenma thinks. It can’t have been that long. Hinata pats his shoulder.

“Why don’t you go out for a bit?” Kenma gives him a surprised look, concerned as to why Hinata didn’t insist on tagging along, or why he didn’t greet Kuroo with the vigor he usually does. He nods and stands.

“I’ll be right back, though.”

“Of course you will!” Kuroo nudges him and throws his arm around Kenma’s shoulders.

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

“Sure, sure. Let’s go.” Hinata waves them off and Kenma let’s himself be dragged out of the room by Kuroo, shutting the door behind them.

* * *

 

After a while, Kenma is exhausted, and his eyes hurt. It’s so bright out, but he supposes it wasn’t entirely a waste. There’s the smell of fresh cut grass all around him, and there are happy voices of happy people everywhere he turns.

“I need to go back.”

“Mm, yea, I guess we can head back. I’m glad I got you out, you’ve been in your room for w while. You’ve had a really rough time.” His voice trails off.

Kenma sends him a questioning glance, but not bothering to wonder out loud what he means.

“Anyway, can we turn around now? I left Hinata alone he’s probably going through my stuff.”

Kuroo stops and looks at him. His eyes are sad and wide, his eyebrows furrows and confused. He tugs on Kenma’s wrist, stopping him from taking another step. “Hinata? What… do you mean…”

Kenma gives him a disgusted look and shrugs his hand off. “What do you mean ‘what do you mean’ I left Hinata alone in my room.”

“Left him… Kenma…” Kuroo’s got this pained look on his face now, like he’s choking on something and it won’t come out. He swallows a small breath and puts on a smile. It’s not his signature Kuroo smirk, this one looks forced and loose. Like it could fall any minute. He’s thinking, Kenma knows it. He doesn’t ask what it’s about, because when Kuroo makes that face he doesn’t talk until he’s got everything sorted out himself. He mentally shrugs it off and turns back the way they came.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

 

When they get back to Kenma’s house, he goes straight to his room. Hinata isn't there anymore. Isn’t even any sign of him. There isn’t a mess, or any games or magazines spread out across his bed. The sheets didn’t even look like they had been touched since Kenma was in his worm fort. Kenma pouts and goes to see if he was wandering around the house. When he walks out of the room, Kuroo is still here. He’s talking with his mother. He goes to scold Kuroo, Hinata left because he dragged Kenma away. But he feels like he shouldn’t interrupt them. Kuroo is whispering, and his mother covers her mouth and hangs her head.

Kuroo turns his head and sees him, and flashes Kenma a smirk. It still looks somewhat forced, but it looks forced in a different type of way. It feels like a sympathy smile, almost. His mom smiles at him as well, hers wavers though.

“Hello, dear! How are you feeling?”

Kenma shrugs, not quite sure what’s going on. “I’m fine? Is something wrong?”

The two of them look at each other, then back at Kenma. His mom laughs, it sounds more like a cough, but she’s still got that fake smile on her face.

“Kenma, honey, let’s talk.”

“But, Hinata…”

She bites her lip and Kuroo guides Kenma to the couch and sits him down. “What about him?”

“He wasn’t in my room when I got back…” He gives Kuroo a curious look and pouts, remembering whose fault it was. “You could’ve just left us alone.”

“Kenma…” His mother sits down across from him and pats his knee.

“Hinata wasn’t here.”

“Uh…” He looks at Kuroo for an answer, but he’s straight-faced. “He was…”

“He wasn’t.” Kuroo’s voice cuts in. His tone is sharp and it makes the hair on Kenma’s arms stand on end.

“He-… You saw him, Kuroo? He was right there when you barged in.” He’s confused, he’s never been good with practical jokes or pranks, but this- somehow this doesn’t feel like a joke. His moms hand is squeezing his knee.

Kuroo leans forward, his elbows on his knees and looks Kenma in the eye. “Kenma.” He starts, “Hinata died. Three weeks ago.” His voice is soft, like he thinks Kenma might be fragile, like if he speaks any louder Kenma would break. It irks him. He stands abruptly, scowling at Kuroo and he clenches his hands into fists.

“Don’t joke about that. Don’t ever joke about things like that, especially when Hinata is concerned.” He knows he’s angry. He doesn’t bother trying to hide it when he stomps away and slams the door to his bedroom behind him.  

He flops down onto his bed face first, still scowling. Now he’s mad at himself. He acted like a child, he knows he did. He also knows, though, that Kuroo will forgive him. He’ll give him his space and come flying back into his room like it was his own as if nothing had happened. He can appreciate that about Kuroo, how he always moves on from one issue to the next. He doesn’t let one thing snag him and keep him down. He’s a good guy, he’s a good friend.

Kenma sighs and rolls onto his back, throwing his arm over his eyes. He falls asleep like that. He has dreams. About Hinata, but they weren’t the good kind of dreams. They weren’t the kind of dreams he had about Hinata holding his hand or laughing and burying his face into Kenma’s neck to suppress his giggles. They weren’t the dreams you woke up from feeling a weird mix of euphoric and happy and a bit lonely because what you’d dreamed hadn’t actually happened. These were awful, the kind of dreams you had when you’ve had little to no sleep because you’re paranoid, or you hear something clatter in the house when everyone is sleeping. The kind where you jolt awake, out of breath and damp with sweat, and your body sore from being so tense.

Hinata is waving goodbye to Kenma, it’s so bright. It’s so bright. Everything around him, but especially when he looks at Hinata. The edges of his vision are blurry, like he’s crying- but he knows he’s not. Hinata is so fucking bright, Kenma squints. The world is such a vibrant array of colors, colors he hadn’t bothered noticing before now. It’s beautiful. Kenma never bothered looking, really looking, at any of it until Hinata came along. He feels himself smiling, like he’s happy. He’s happy. He goes to grab Hinata’s hand.

He grasps at nothing but the air and Hinata isn’t there anymore. He’s vanished. Kenma feels frantic, like if he doesn’t find him now, he won’t find him ever. He turns his head in all directions; he tries to call out Hinata’s name. His voice isn’t working though. He keeps looking despite that. He looks everywhere, he looks behind some bushes, he looks in his room, he even looks in his backyard. Hinata’s not there. He’s crying now, for real crying, and his vision blurs. He tries calling for him again, but still nothing. He runs down the street, desperate and he’s sure he looks hysterical, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care, he needs to find Hinata. He needs to find him.

He finds him. Kenma stops at a wreck at the end of his street, he doesn’t know what leads him to believe Hinata’s in there, but he knows. He knows. He takes slow steps towards the wreckage, there’s debris everywhere, looks like a truck crashed into the building, drove right through it. Half of the house is fallen on top of the vehicle, it’s creaking as Kenma climbs it. He sees Hinata. He knew he was here. He knew it. He clambers down, panicked, but relieved. He takes Hinata’s hand and wipes the back of his hand across his eyes.

“Hinata.” Kenma calls for him, there isn’t a response. His voice is working again, but there’s something wrong about it. It’s his voice, but it’s not. Like someone had recorded him saying it, and now he’s just moving his lips to match what it says. Kenma’s got this feeling in his gut, this awful terrible feeling. He feels like he needs to throw up. He jostles Hinata’s shoulder.

“Hinata,” he forces a laugh, like he’s trying to make light of the situation, it’s so heavy. He feels so heavy, Hinata is so stiff. “Shouyou, come on, this isn’t funny.” There’s this lump in his throat that his words get caught on and when they come out, it’s raspy and sounds like he’s about to cry.

He turns Hinata over, and he wishes he hadn’t. There’s blood dripping down his face, it’s in his eyes. It’s thick and dark, and it smells so bad, it smells so much like metal and rust. He takes his sleeve and tries to wipe it out of Hinata’s eyes, he’s not responding, he’s so cold.

“Shouyou, come on. Shouyou.” He’s frantic again, he’s hysterical. Calling Hinata’s name over and over with no sign of any response. His hands are shaking, he’s shaking so badly. He’s panicking, he doesn’t know what to do. He tries calling for help, but no one hears him. Why can’t anyone hear him? He tries to smooth back Hinata’s hair.

Oh god, it’s in his hair. There’s so much blood coming from his head, Kenma knows it’s too much to be safe. He’s heard that head wounds can be fatal. His hair is matted, and it’s not that bright orange that reminds Kenma of summer. It’s matted and tangled, now.  It makes him sick. He throws up. These colors aren’t so beautiful, he regrets thinking they might have been.

He tries again. He pats Hinata’s face gently, trying to get him to look at him, just focus. There’s no sign of any smile, the kind that reminds Kenma of a field of sunflowers or the sun itself. His lips hang parted, his jaw slack and his hand won’t squeeze Kenma’s back.

Kenma knows. Hinata’s not there. He’s died. When it hits him, his vision fades to black and white. Hinata is still in his arms, but he seems so far away somehow. There’s a hole in the atmosphere, he doesn’t know how he’s sure of it, but he is. Everything warps, and gets sucked into this one point above his head. It’s eating at the world around him, it’s swallowing everything that was so bright and happy and cheerful, and it leaves nothing. It’s empty. It inches closer to Kenma and Hinata, and Kenma knows it’s trying to take him from him. He holds Hinata’s head to his chest. His voice isn’t working again, he can’t tell it to stop. He shakes his head as hard as he can and he holds Hinata. His hair is whipping around in all directions, and the ground is shaking so hard. He’s dizzy, and he’s tired but he won’t let go. He holds him so tight.

He can feel him slipping away, he clings, but he’s leaving. It’s taking Hinata. He’s still holding tight, but it’s of no use. He looks at Hinata, he’s crying again. There are tears dripping onto Hinata’s face. He doesn’t wipe them away, he doesn’t have a chance to. Hinata’s hand grips his, and Kenma looks at it.

“Shouyou?” He mouths the words because nothing’s coming out still. The hole above him makes so much noise, he’s sure Hinata couldn’t hear him if it were real.

The thing above him is pulling even harder now, and Hinata slips from his grasp. He’s holding onto Hinata’s hand as tight as he can, he won’t let go. He doesn’t want to. He’s searching for something, some help, when Hinata’s eyes focus on Kenma’s for a minute. They’re bloodshot, and they look dry, but he smiles. A real Hinata smile, the kind that warms Kenma from the core of his being outwards. Hinata opens his mouth, and despite the noise, Kenma hears him clear as day. “You’re alright. I’m watching.”

Kenma jolts awake, he’s shaking and he’s sobbing. He’s got hair in his face, and it’s so dark. It’s so dark.

“Kenma!” Hinata’s voice pierces through the dark, and calms him. He manages to take a short sharp breath, and then another, deep one that allows him to calm down. He can feel Hinata’s arms around him. “Are you okay?” Kenma doesn’t answer, he touches his arm and he searches for Hinata’s face in the dark. He runs his hand over his head and strokes his cheek.

“Y-yea,” Kenma replies. “I’m alright.”

“You were having a nightmare or something. You were shaking so bad! You were crying, like you were sobbing, and I couldn’t wake you up- you sounded so scared, Kenma. Like, you were shaking so bad, I was-“ Kenma hugs him tightly and buries his face in Hinata’s chest. He doesn’t smell like anything, and Kenma is unusually cold again tonight.

“I’m alright.” He squeezes. Hinata squeezes back and lays back slowly.

“Alright.”

Kenma sits with his eyes open for a while, despite not being able to see anything. He’s afraid of having that dream again. That was terrible. He clutches Hinata’s shirt, and Hinata pulls him closer. He’s already asleep, but he clings still. Kenma sleeps better when he’s clung to. Neither sad nor tired, Kenma simply slept, thinking about all the could have been’s and almost were’s. He’s got to keep moving. Hinata’s watching.

                                              

**Author's Note:**

> thx if u read this!!! I dont think angst is my strong suit, so if you have any input on how i could improve, pls tell me!!!


End file.
